By Jacque Visagie · Personal Leadership & High Performance

On the better side of 40, I'm more excited about my future than I was at 21.

Which is quite something, considering that at 21 I thought I knew just about EVERYTHING there was to know. 🤣

Back then, I had big dreams. I wanted to build a successful life. Work hard. Be someone people could depend on. Make something of myself.

Twenty years ...

By Jacque Visagie · Midlife & Life Direction

Shit had to break. And I thank God it did.

If things had kept going “well”, I would probably still be doing exactly what I knew how to do. Building the business. Training. Providing. Chasing the next goal. Keeping everything moving.

I was good at that stuff. I loved a lot of it, too. And the daily grind gave me a very convenient reason to keep my eye...

By Jacque Visagie · Personal Leadership & High Performance

On a recent cycle, I found myself thinking about how hard it can be to get back up after life kicks you in the nuts on a random Sunday evening while you’re minding your own business. And it’s never the things you see coming. It’s the thing you never imagined could happen.

After my separation and coming out, I went through a very humbling...

Luke is now eight.

When I think about the man I hope he will grow into, I think about his heart. His relationship with God. The way he will treat people. The promises he will keep. The courage he will need.

I want him to feel proud of being a boy and, eventually, a man. I want him to enjoy his strength, develop his abilities and take responsibility for the way he uses them.

I want him to be kin...

“Find your people.”

I wrote those words in Being Gay and Living by Your Values. I want to spend more time with them, because there is a practical question inside that advice.

How do you make friends in your 40s, especially when your life has changed and your weeks are already full?

For me, some of the voices that have encouraged me have come through books and audiobooks. I have found mentors th...

“That’s gay.”

I hear it from men and women. Something is described as weak, inferior or less worthwhile, and “gay” becomes the word used to dismiss it.

Then they realise I’m standing next to them.

They start explaining. "I just meant... you know... " They try to clarify, hear themselves, and stumble over the next sentence.

I step in and save the day... “It’s okay. I get where you come from,” I...

The world will have no issue telling you who to be. It's important to figure out who you are before you go look for yourself. Your values should guide your every move going forward.

Some men I have worked with put enormous energy into preparing for a conversation that would change their lives. For one man, it was telling his partner he wanted to separate. For another, it was telling his family he...

If I asked you, “Who are you?”, what would you tell me?

“I’m a father.”

“I’m a lawyer.”

“I’m an entrepreneur.”

“I’m a husband.”

Each answer describes a relationship, a responsibility, a profession or something you have spent years building.

I’d also want to know about the man living those roles. What matters to you? What interests you? What do you enjoy? How do you make sense of your own lif...

I have spoken to men who appear incredibly successful from the outside and have told me:

“If I continue like this... honestly... I will break.”

Others have described feeling able to keep going for a few more years, while already fearing what will happen when they collapse.

These are conversations that stay with me. A man is looking ahead at his own life and wondering how long he can survive the...

You’re about to make a decision, and before you’ve worked out what you want, you’re already imagining everyone else’s response.

What will your partner think? Will your parents understand? Will your friends question it? Will someone decide you’ve become selfish, difficult or less ambitious?

You might recognise this around a career change, a relationship, how you spend your time or something perso...