Start Where It’s Finished: How to Create a Vision for Your Life.

By Jacque Visagie · Personal Leadership & High Performance

On a recent cycle, I found myself thinking about how hard it can be to get back up after life kicks you in the nuts on a random Sunday evening while you’re minding your own business. And it’s never the things you see coming. It’s the thing you never imagined could happen.

After my separation and coming out, I went through a very humbling period. I could decide that I would do better. Try harder. Begin again. But following through on those decisions took A LOT MORE than I had expected—and a lot more than it used to.

I’m 41 now. These past few years have brought me back to a few very personal questions:

What kind of life am I actually building? What is my role in building it? And how much do I surrender to God?

I think of that scene in Friends where Phoebe believes she’s changing the television channels by blinking. When it stops working, she says, “I lost it.”

It makes me smile. But it also makes me wonder: how much of “it” was really us? How much control did we actually have over the things we thought we were holding together?

For me, some of my lowest moments brought what I truly value into much clearer focus. My son. The people I love. My faith. The kind of father and man I want to be. The life I still hope to build.

And with that clarity came something frightening: I could see how deeply these things mattered to me, but I couldn’t guarantee their future. I couldn’t protect everyone from pain or hold everything together through sheer effort.

That was a very difficult thing to accept.

One of the biggest turning points in my journey as a man was learning to bring that honestly to God. To lift up my life and the people I love and say: “This matters so much to me. I will do my part. Please carry what I cannot.”

I still have choices to make, responsibilities to honour and work to do. But I’m learning to do that work without believing that everything rests on my ability to control how it turns out.

That has changed how I think about having a vision for my life.

I want to see clearly what I’m working towards. I want my values to guide what I build and how I build it. And I want to remain open to a journey that may look different from the one I imagined.

Start with the finished picture in mind. Then show up for the work—and let God carry what you cannot.

Creating a vision for your life starts with giving that question an honest answer. Picture the man you want to become, the relationships you want to care for and the way you want to spend your days. Let your values shape that picture. Then give it something practical to do today.

There is an idea from Jim Rohn that captures this beautifully. He uses the example of building a house and says you begin:

“As soon as you have it finished.”

The house first takes shape in the plans. You can see what you are working towards before the building begins. His original explanation is worth reading.

I want to bring that idea into the way we build our lives.

Start where it’s already finished in your mind. Give yourself a direction you can recognise. Then get to work, with enough humility to learn as life unfolds.

Picture yourself living the life you want

Give your future some detail.

You may want to build a business, improve your health, become a more present father or create a relationship grounded in honesty and commitment.

Picture yourself inside that life on an ordinary day.

How do you begin the morning? What receives your attention? How do you speak to the people you love? What kind of work are you doing? When do you move your body, recover and enjoy the people around you?

Include the responsibilities too. The conversations. The decisions. The effort required to care for what you want to build.

A meaningful personal vision gives you something to practise. It helps you recognise which opportunities fit, what deserves your time and where a change is needed.

Your starting picture can fit into a paragraph. Give it enough detail to guide your first choices, then develop it through experience.

If you are still working out your direction, Feeling Lost at 40? How to Choose Your Next Direction offers a useful place to begin.

Let your values decide what belongs in that picture

I want my life to have room for faith, fatherhood, training, meaningful work and relationships I can trust.

Those things matter to me personally. Your life will contain its own priorities.

When you imagine your future, ask yourself why each part matters. Which value does it express? What would pursuing it ask of you? What else do you want to care for along the way?

A man who values dependability may want his family to experience him as someone whose word carries weight. A man who values strength may want to develop his body, his judgement and his ability to respond well under pressure. A man who values freedom may want greater choice over how he works and uses his time.

Give those values a meaning you can live.

For me, fatherhood makes this very clear. I can picture the relationship I hope to have with Luke as he grows. That picture asks something of the dad he experiences today: my attention, my patience, the promises I keep and the way I listen.

I explored that in What I Want My Son to Learn About Being a Man.

Your vision becomes personal when your values have a place in it.

The moment something shifted in me

During the difficult period after my separation and coming out, getting back up was one of the hardest parts.

I remember the experience of wanting to move forward and finding it difficult to make that intention real.

Then I experienced a shift inside myself.

At that point, there was very little external evidence to point to. Something in me had begun to turn towards life again. I could feel a willingness to follow what mattered, to show up and to begin building.

I call that the grace of God.

That is how I understand my own experience. I feel deeply grateful for it.

Perhaps you have experienced something similar: a quiet return of possibility, a little more willingness, a moment when you can imagine a future you want to take part in.

It may arrive gradually. It may become clear in a particular moment. Each man’s experience deserves its own understanding.

For me, that shift became an invitation to participate in my life again. I began following the whisper: the interests, hopes and values that kept drawing my attention.

I pay attention to that inner compass. A desire to create something. An interest I keep returning to. A conversation that feels important. I bring those inclinations into reflection, consider them alongside my values and choose a step I can take.

Give the vision something to do today

We have influence over the lives we build through our decisions, attention, effort and relationships. We participate in shaping what happens next.

That participation becomes practical when you bring your future into the day in front of you.

If you want to become dependable, take one commitment seriously today.

If you want to be a present father, give your child time in which you are available to listen.

If you want a stronger body, follow a training plan suited to your starting point and make room for recovery.

If you want to develop your business, identify the work that will move it forward and give that work focused attention.

If you want deeper relationships, begin a conversation that allows someone to know you more honestly.

Choose actions that express the man you want to become.

Then account for the life you actually have: your energy, finances, responsibilities, support and the demands already on your time. Build a plan you can carry out in those circumstances. Larger ambitions may require new skills, help from other people or changes to your current commitments.

I value high standards. I also want those standards to guide useful action. A clear commitment gives me something I can follow through on and review.

For help with that part of the work, Why Can’t I Stay Consistent? A Practical Guide for Men explores how to make a commitment workable.

Steward the vision you have been given

There have been seasons in my life when I worked hard, did the marketing, served my clients and gave the business everything I could. Things went well. The effort produced the outcomes I hoped for.

Then there were seasons when I did those same things. Sometimes I pushed even harder. What had worked before no longer gave me the same result.

That humbled me. It made me question how much of my success I had mistaken for control.

The word I keep coming back to is stewardship. My life, my abilities, my relationships and the vision that draws me forward are things I want to care for faithfully. I have a part to play in what they become. I also have to accept how much lies beyond my reach.

For me, that begins with listening. Listening to the desires that keep returning. Paying attention to what pulls at my heart. Asking God to reveal Himself, to help me understand what has been entrusted to me and to guide my next step.

I bring those desires into prayer, reflection and honest examination. Does this pursuit honour my values? What would it ask of the people I love? Can I pursue it with integrity? Am I willing to learn that the picture may need to change?

Then I make the plans. I still want to see the whole house before I lay the first brick. I consider what it will take to build it, and I begin the work.

That is how I understand co-creation with God: listening, responding and participating with the abilities and opportunities I have been given.

I believe God’s purposes reach beyond my ability to force or prevent them. I cannot claim to know His whole plan. My responsibility is to be faithful with the part in front of me, even when the outcome remains uncertain.

I still need to make the call, do the marketing, care for my health and keep my promises. Surrender gives me a way to do that work without carrying the belief that I alone must make everything happen.

Be careful who you become while building what you want

I used to identify strongly with the amount of money I made each month and the results I could produce. When things went well, those numbers gave me reassurance about who I was.

During my separation and coming out, the business took a knock. I experienced apprehension from some people. Here was a high-performance coach going through a separation and speaking openly about being gay. There was uncertainty, and I felt a great deal of fear.

Over time, many longstanding clients returned. New clients came. We began building again from where we were, with a clearer understanding of who I am.

But that difficult season exposed how much of my identity I had tied to an outcome I could not guarantee.

You are not your result.

Your results can give you useful information. They can show you where to learn, adapt or ask for help. They cannot contain the whole truth of your worth as a man.

I want to take responsibility for how I show up: the honesty I bring to my work, the way I treat people, the promises I keep and the care I give what has been entrusted to me. That also goes through seasons. Sometimes showing up means working with energy and confidence. Sometimes it means taking a smaller step, resting or admitting that I need support.

A difficult phase deserves care and an honest response. It does not erase who you are.

When I think about creating a vision for my life now, I also ask: Who am I becoming while I pursue it?

What I make time for today is what I am making time for in my life. The way I speak to Luke today is part of the father he experiences. The values I bring into my work today are part of the man I am becoming.

I can spend years pursuing a future I want and, along the way, neglect the very things that made that future meaningful to me.

That is why the daily experience matters so much. I want to build with integrity, make room for the people I love and find fulfilment in taking care of the work itself.

I once thought a midlife crisis was something I would avoid. Looking back, I see my own as one of the most valuable course corrections of my life. It was painful, and it deserves its own conversation. It brought me back to questions I needed to answer.

I am learning to be on the journey without making the outcome my identity.

The vision gives me a direction. My values guide how I pursue it. I do my part and surrender the outcome to God.

Let yourself enjoy the life you are building

I love training. I enjoy the discipline, physical effort and satisfaction of getting stronger. I love cycling too.

On that ride, I was already taking part in a life I value. Moving my body. Reflecting. Giving myself time to notice what matters.

That is something I want to remember when I set a goal.

Reaching a physique goal can feel wonderful. So can completing a project, growing a business or achieving something you have worked towards for years.

Along the way, there are many days in which you get to live.

The training sessions. The skills you develop. The people you meet. The conversations with your child. The moment you follow through on something that matters to you.

For me, fulfilment has a strong connection to that daily participation: using my abilities, caring for my relationships and living with a sense of purpose.

I want the work to have room for gratitude, friendship, rest and joy. I want to appreciate what I have been given while taking responsibility for what I hope to build.

Build a life you can respect while you are living it.

A practical way to create a vision for your life

Set aside twenty minutes. Choose one area that deserves your attention: fatherhood, relationships, work, health or your personal direction.

Write under these six prompts.

1. Describe the life you want to experience

Look a year ahead, or choose a timeframe that fits the change you are considering.

Describe an ordinary day in that part of your life. Include what you do, how you treat people and what receives your attention.

Be specific enough to recognise progress.

2. Name three values that belong in it

Choose values that genuinely matter to you.

Then explain each in your own words. “Dependability” might mean keeping agreements and communicating early when something needs to change. “Health” might mean caring for your body so you can enjoy your life and meet its demands.

Your definitions should help you make decisions.

Ask yourself which of these values you are at risk of neglecting in pursuit of the result. Decide how you will protect it this week.

3. Choose one action for each value this week

Give each action a time and place.

For example, if fatherhood is your focus:

• Connection: Spend time doing something with your child and give them room to talk.
• Dependability: Keep a plan you have agreed on together.
• Patience: Give yourself a pause before responding when you feel frustrated.

Adapt the actions to your child’s age and your circumstances.

4. Make room for the work

Look at your existing commitments and available resources.

Decide what needs arranging, which conversation needs to happen and what support would help. Choose a scale you can begin with now.

If protecting that time brings up guilt, How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty offers practical language you can adapt.

5. Decide how you will learn and adjust

At the end of the week, ask:

What did I do? What did it make possible? What did I learn about the life I want and the demands of building it?

Use those answers to plan the following week. Adjust the actions as you understand more.

Then ask: What is mine to take responsibility for? What am I trying to control that I need to release? For me, that is also a conversation with God.

6. Notice what you want to appreciate along the way

Name something already present in your life that deserves your attention.

A relationship. Your ability to move. A skill you have developed. Someone who supports you. A moment you can enjoy.

Give yourself permission to experience the life happening around the goal.

Begin with the man you want to become

There is dignity in deciding what you want to build and giving it your honest effort.

Picture the life. Listen for what deserves your care. Let your values guide the work, and pay attention to the man you become through it. Steward what has been entrusted to you. For me, that means doing my part with integrity and trusting God with the outcome.

That is what Men. Greater Lives. means to me: men taking an active part in their lives, bringing their values into their choices and developing the capacity to follow through.

If you would value a conversation about your own vision, I can help you explore what matters, what the next season asks of you and how to turn that into practical action.

Every coaching option begins with an Exploration Call.

Explore coaching and the Exploration Call.

— Jacque